Love and Pain
by LazyIceWater
Summary: They're together & then they're not. They're apart, with no contact, for 2 years, 4 months, 3 weeks, and 28 days. Although they make it back to each other in the end, it doesn't mean they'll stay together. Previously known as "Goodbye To You".
1. Goodbye To You

**_A/N-I do not own anything related to Criminal Minds. The plot is the only original aspect of this one-shot. _**

_Of all the things I believed in_

_I just want to get it over with_

_Tears form behind my eyes_

_But I do not cry_

_Counting the days that pass me by_

"I know, Derek. You're sorry. But that's it! You're sorry! You know you shouldn't have done that, but it doesn't stop you from doing it! And it won't stop you from doing it again. You're _always_ going to do it! You're _always_ going to break my heart." Penelope held herself together, but as the truth spilt from her lips she knew she was going to fall apart. She caught Derek in another lie, and he knew it. He didn't deny it, he didn't give an excuse. He just said he was "sorry", but Penelope heard that word too many times. She tried and tried to forgive and forget, but she couldn't. She forgave him, but she never could forget. Once you're heart is broken, it'll never be mended. And break, after break, after break, the heart is forever shattered.

"Baby, I know I screwed up-" Penelope cut him off. She couldn't stand to hear him apologize one more time.

"Don't." That one word sunk his heart; that one softly, yet determinedly whispered word. She looked so broken and defeated. Derek had never seen her like this, not even after the most gruesome of cases, the ugliest of fights. It made him angrier at himself, knowing that he was the cause of this. That he was the reason Penelope, his baby girl, his God-given solace, was looking so distraught and hopeless.

_I've been searching deep down in my soul_

_Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old_

_It feels like I'm starting all over again_

_The last three years were just pretend_

_And I said..._

"Just stop. _Please_, for the love of God, don't apologize _again_." He saw the tears in her eyes, and he saw her chest heaving as she tried to keep them in. "We've been through this more times than I think anyone should in a life time. We tried." Her voice cracked, and a tear leaked. "God knows we tried, Derek. But not only are we destroying ourselves, we're destroying the team." Derek's head snapped up at this. He was baffled as to why she brought the team into this. "I won't stand by and be selfish, letting the team take the hit for _our_ issues." She looked down at her pink night slippers and took a deep breath.

"I'm leaving." He was up out of his seat before she finished the sentence. His arms wrapped around her with a ferocity that took her breath away. She felt his tears hit her neck as his body let loose the sobs. She felt her own body relax, letting herself mold to his body; feeling at home. But this home was destructive. She couldn't let it happen again. They _both_ deserved better.

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

Her body went rigid as she slipped from his hold. The pain was overwhelming, her own and the pain she felt radiating off of Derek. He kept his head down as his tears flowed down his face onto the wooden floor. She had never seen him cry; not at work, not at home, not during their fights.

_He knows this is it._ Penelope felt the truth and honesty of their situation race through her body, and she knew he had to leave. The sooner the better. The longer he stayed, the more time there was for reconcile. When he looked up she felt her heart beat faster, her blood rushed through her veins, and she felt light headed. His eyes were clouded over with tears that had yet to fall, and his nose was painfully red. Penelope bit the inside of her cheek, keeping her own sobs and sorrow inside. She knew it was painful right now, goodbyes were always the worst, but she wouldn't back down... she wouldn't give in this time.

She reached her hand out tentatively towards his face, and when he leaned towards her touch she took a deep breath. Her hand lingered on his face for a second, and then she withdrew.

_I still get lost in your eyes_

_And it seems that I can't live a day without you_

_Closing my eyes_

_And you chase my thoughts away_

_To a place where I am blinded by the light_

_But it's not right_

"Good bye, Derek. I thought we could make this work. I thought we could hold on to what we used to have, before-" she looked towards the ceiling, desperately clinging to the tears that threatened to fall, "before all that had happened, but we couldn't." She looked back down, their eyes connecting. Again, her heart fluttered and her pulse picked up. She disconnected their connection and took several steps back until she was against the wall. Hoping he'd take her que and leave, she looked back at the ceiling. Trying to count the different squares, still holding onto her tears.

"I know." His voice broke her concentration on the ceiling, but she didn't look down. She heard him take a step towards her, but then stop. "You need time. I need time. I screwed this up, and I know. I'm so sorry that-" She cut him off.

"No, Derek. _I'm_ sorry, but I can't. Not anymore. Your apologies, they... they fall on deaf ears." Penelope Garcia turned away from Derek Morgan before he could see her tears fall. She turned her back on her best friend, her lover, her sense of security. He was less than a foot away, and as he tried to understand the situation she felt his breath on the nape of her neck. She heard his silent step back, as he distanced himself from her, accepting her choice. When she heard the lock click on the door, finalizing her decision to leave behind all she knew, the tears began to slip from her eyes. Turning back around, her mascara was streaming along side her tears, and her red lips were quivering with the explanation she couldn't quite express.

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

_Oh, woah_

With shaky steps, she walked towards the couch and collapsed under the weight of her decision. Even as the sobs left her lips, even as she gasped with pain she never knew she could feel, she was sure she made the right choice.

"Good bye, Derek." The sobs racked through Penelope's body, and as she tried to stabilize her breathing she shook. She shook with the pain that Derek had brought into her life. She shook with the pleasure he brought into her life. She shook with all she had felt with him, the good and the bad.

The ugly and the beautiful.

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time_

_I want what's yours and I want what's mine_

_I want you_

_But I'm not giving in this time_

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything that I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

She knew one day he would understand; she knew one day they would sit together and laugh about this. Laugh about all their fights, all their mistakes, all their trials. She knew one day they would be together, happier than they ever were. But she also knew that "one day" would not be for a long time. They were both young, and neither of them knew what the other needed. Neither of them knew what _they_, themselves, needed. And until then, they needed this.... this separation.

One hour later she was standing in the doorway of her front door. She looked into the empty room, feeling the memories that flashed before her eyes. Looking at her watch, she knew he'd be back soon; trying to reconcile with his never ending apologies. When the tears threatened to flood her eyes again she stepped outside, closing her door.

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

"Good bye to you, Derek." She whispered again, as she walked from her house, her life. As she walked away from Derek.

_Oh Woah_

_And when the stars fall I will lie awake_

_You're my shooting star_

_**A/****N-Well, this my first attempt at a Criminal Minds one-shot. Derek Morgan and Penelope is the ship, obviously. & I know most people see them as together, which I do, but I heard this song (Goodbye To You by Michelle Branch) & immediately thought of these two. I'm sure I'll write a sequel, when they meet together again & get back together, but until I find the song or inspiration this is it. :p Okay, tell me what you think; if you love it or hate it. I can take it. **:]_


	2. On My Own

**_A/N- I own nothing but the plot & random lady near the end. _**

"Yeah, I know." Derek Morgan was sitting in his office talking to Aaron Hotchner.

"I don't think you do, Derek. We've given you time, understanding your situation," Hotch tried to make eye contact with him, but Derek avoided that at all costs, "but you're going to have to start picking yourself up and piecing yourself back together." Hotch stood up and walked around the desk towards Derek. He placed his hand on Derek's shoulder and gave a squeeze before walking out, back towards the bullpen.

This is where he was left; sitting alone in his office with no one. Derek swept his hand across his face and sighed. He knew he had been spiraling ever since Pen- ... _she_ left, but he thought he was making progress. Up until two weeks ago he couldn't stand to be in the same room as JJ or Prentiss, seeing as they were _her _best friends, but it was tolerable now. He looked at the calender on the wall and saw it'd been 2 years, 4 months, and 28 days since she'd left. Feeling the tears prick at his eyes, he packed up his stuff and headed home.

_On my own _

_Pretending she's beside me _

_All alone _

_I walk with her 'til morning _

_Without her, I feel her arms around me _

_And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and she has found me _

When he saw everyone in their respective offices he started to walk faster. When he reached the elevator doors he heard someone calling his name. Grimacing he turned around to see JJ walking the path towards him.

"Yeah, JJ?" He couldn't help but look anywhere but her face. Every time he made eye contact with her, which was rare, the memories he had with _her_ flashed before him and he had to leave the room.

"Hey," JJ looked at him, feeling how uncomfortable he was in this situation, "I just wanted to let you know we're throwing a birthday party for Jack this weekend." Derek's forehead wrinkled as he thought back to what day it was.

"His birthday isn't for another week." He looked right above JJ's head, "Why is it so early?"

JJ bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stop herself from tearing up, "Because Hotch and Jack are going to visit Haley's parents next weekend." JJ's voice dropped a little. "It'll be the first time since the funeral." Derek looked at her, making eye contact. His heart thudded as he remembered the funeral, and all the events surrounding it.

_In the rain _

_The pavement shines like silver _

_All the lights are misty in the river _

_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight _

_And all I see is her and me forever and forever_

_ "I don't know what I'd do if I were Hotch. How does he stand it?" Penelope was laying with Derek in his bed, crying into his chest. _

_ "I don't know, Baby girl. I don't know." Penelope looked up into his eyes, and saw she wasn't the only one crying._

_ "Oh, Derek!" She reached a hand up and wiped away his tears. "Here I am, on my soap box, not even acknowledging the pain you're in! I'm sorry!" She wrapped her arms around him as they both let go of their tears._

_ "No, goddess. Don't worry about me. I can handle this pain, I'm here to take care of you." He lifted her chin so they were eye level. She smiled as he placed a gentle kiss on her lips, tightening his grip on her._

_ "I wish there was something we could do, something to help Hotch out. It's only him and little Jackie now. If you were in his shoes what would you-" Derek cut her off._

_ "Don't." He sat up and hovered over her, his eyes burning with intensity. "That will _never _happen to you, to me, to us. _Never_. You understand." She nodded her head, looking at him. Derek eased himself back into the bed and wrapped his arms around her._

_ "I'm sorry, I just-" Again, he stopped her._

_ "Baby girl, I'm sorry." He removed his fingers from her lips and replaced them with his lips. The kiss was one that oozed pain and love. She moaned and locked her hands behind his head. He sat up again, bringing Penelope with him this time. As he moved back towards the head board, with her sitting on his lap, he pushed the hair from in front of her face and smiled._

_ "Just what is so amusing?" She asked, smiling too._

_ "Nothing my goddess. Just praying on every star shining tonight that I'll never loose you." He cradled her head between his hands. "Praying that I'll never hurt you." She smiled that sexy little smile and nuzzled his neck._

_ "Whatever would I do if I didn't have you, my Chocolate Adonis?" She placed her head back onto his chest and her eyes fluttered close. Derek continued to stroke her hair, placing butterfly kisses on her head once in a while._

_ The whole time he was thinking that if she were ever to leave his life he would fall apart. If she ever left, she would walk away with a piece of him, unraveling him until he was nothing._

_And I know it's only in my mind _

_That I'm talking to myself and not to her _

_And although I know that she is blind _

_Still I say there's a way for us_

Pulling back to reality he looked at her and nodded. "I'll see what I can do." As the elevator opened and Derek stepped inside, JJ said something that stopped his heart.

"She'll be back, Derek. We know she will."

The whole walk to his car he kept replaying what JJ said.

_She'll be back, Derek. We know she will. _What did that mean? Does she know something he doesn't?

_She'll be back, Derek. We know she will_ Has _she_ contacted JJ, Prentiss, anyone? He was just being paranoid again. Every time he began to ask all these question his head begins to pound, and he can't see straight.

_She'll be back, Derek. We know she will. _Throwing his bag into the back of his truck, he pulled the keys out of his coat pocket and jumped into the car. Starting up the engine, shifting into reverse, and pulling out of the parking lot towards his empty apartment never made him feel so heartbroken.

When Derek reached his apartment he stood in front of the main entrance for a few minutes. Feeling like he needed a smoke, even though he hadn't lit up since high school, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes an attractive woman was standing a few feet away from him, looking at him.

"I'm sorry," she said, turning red from being caught staring, "I didn't mean to stare. But, are you okay? You look sick." She walked towards him, with concern swimming in her eyes.

"Uh, no." Derek began to straighten up. "I didn't mean to scare you, ma'am. I was just in need of some fresh air before walking in that stink hole." He pointed towards the apartments.

She smiled and agreed with him, " I know what you mean. Smells like something out of a horror movie over there." He tried to show a smile, but it turned into a small grimace.

"I better be going in. Sorry again." He turned away from her, but still feeling her eyes on him. He knew he shouldn't have brushed her off so coldly, after all she was concerned for him, but he didn't want or need anyone's concern.

_I love her _

_But when the night is over _

_She is gone _

_The river's just a river _

_Without her, the world around me changes _

_The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers_

"Who is she?" Derek stopped in his tracks, his heart beating faster than hummingbird's wings. As he turned around she had a small smile on her face.

Derek looked around, thinking this was some kind of sick joke. Having never met this woman before, how would she even know someone else had... _has _his heart?

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Derek had turned around and was not looking at this woman with narrowed eyes, and stiff shoulders.

Again, the lady blushed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. It's just-"

"Just what?" He asked, walking towards her. "Did someone send you? Someone from the BAU?" Her eyes had widened and fear began to seep from her pores. "Look," He said, backing off a little, "Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to."

"I just-"

"No. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, but it's really none of your business. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave this conversation alone... Better yet, forget about it. This conversation never happened." Derek turned his back on her again, not wanting to hear her apologies.

But of course, the woman spoke again. "Whoever she is, she's a lucky woman." He could hear the smile on her face. "Tell her I said that, would you?" Derek kept walking.

_I love her _

_But every day I'm lonely _

_All my life I've only been pretending _

_Without me, her world will go on turning _

The world is full of happiness that I have never known

_I would if I could._ He thought as he shut the door to his apartment, leaning against it. He slid down the door, and, for what felt like the millionth time since _she _left, wept. Derek Morgan, the man tough as nails, the strongest man at the BAU, wept.

_I love her _

_I love her _

_I love her_

_But only on my own_

**_A/N_-_Okay, this is now a three-shot. I have a bad habit of making stories a three-shot. Haha. The next chapter will be when they reunite, but who knows if they end up together or decide to stay apart forever. I listened to Glee's version of "On My Own" & immediately thought of Derek, if this ever happened to him. Anyways, R&R. Thank you, for the reviews and various messages I received. _**


	3. Hanging By A Moment

Penelope could not believe it had been so long since she'd last seen _him_. Since she'd last touched him, held him, _loved_ him. She was standing in front of their old apartment, trying to grasp all that had changed in her neighborhood. The sidewalks were no longer bare. Instead, they were decorated with wildflowers and miniature palm trees. The trash that used to flutter from the street to the sidewalk and back was gone. Glancing up from the ground she realized the apartment landlord painted all the doors from their gloomy grey state to a bright brown. She chuckled when she noticed the same lights on the neon sign hanging over the balcony were still out. Penelope had driven past this building many times, but she never had the courage to stop and walk around. She knew _he_ would not be there, the memories would be too painful, but she still had to have concrete evidence. With that thought swarming her mind and heart, she walked up to the door that used to lead to their apartment and knocked.

Penelope was overwhelmed with the memory of when _he_ knocked on her door. The knock that changed her life forever.

"_One second!" Penelope shouted from her tiny kitchen. She was in the middle of cooking dinner for herself when 3 loud knocks came from her door. She glanced towards the clock and read it was a quarter past 9 p.m. Peeking through the peep hole, Penelope saw Derek standing on her porch holding a pizza and liter of soda. _

_ She opened the door and scrunched her eyebrows together, "Derek, what're you doing here?" _

_ He raised an eyebrow and asked, "What? Your best friend can't just stop by and offer you a beautifully warm pizza from your favorite pizza joint?" He shook his head and began to turn. "Fine, I guess I'll take this home and eat alone." _

_ Penelope laughed as she grabbed his arm and tugged him back up the porch. "You're a way more awesome best friend than I am. Thanks." She looped her arm through his and they walked into her apartment._

_ "So," she said once she had put the food she was preparing for herself back into their containers and in the refrigerator, "What's really up? I thought earlier you said you had a date with Tamara?" She walked into her even smaller living room and sat on the couch next to him. She noticed his uneasiness, and let the question float in the air for a moment. _

_ When she reached for a slice of pineapple and ham heaven, Derek grabbed her wrist and turned towards her. Penelope jumped in shock, partly because of the unexpected physical contact, and partly because he touch always sent waves of electricity through her body. _

_ Derek licked his bottom lip and absently massaged his fingers over her own. Even though the gesture was small and insignificant, Penelope was quickly losing her breath. _

_ "Derek?" Penelope hoped he would either start talking, distracting her from his touch; or that he would let go. She prayed it wasn't the latter. _

_ "Have you ever felt like letting go?" Derek's focus was on their contact; his strong fingers smoothing over Penelope's small, fragile fingers. _

_ "I, um... I don't know what you mean?" _

_ Derek let go of her hand and shifted an inch away from her. "Have you ever felt like giving up? Letting go of everything you knew, because it seemed to only cause you pain?" _

_ No longer because of their touch, Penelope's breathing shallowed even more. _

_ "Derek, what are you talking about? I'm not a profiler like you. I can't read between the lines."_

_ When Derek looked up and into Penelope's eyes, she saw such sadness that her breathing stopped completely._

_ "Oh, Derek!" Penelope launched herself onto him, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck and felt his tears drip onto her shoulder._

_ "Baby, I, I don't know. I don't know what's wrong." He tightly wrapped his arms around her, and Penelope began to rub circles into his lower back. _

_ "Oh, Derek. I'm so sorry. I've been _such_ a lousy best friend. Damn it!" She pulled back and looked at him. "What happened tonight with Tamara?"_

_ He puffed out air, somewhat resembling a laugh, "Nothing happened. Nothing has been happening the 2 months I've been seeing her. Instead of making me happy, she's dragging me down." Penelope opened her mouth to interject, but he continued, "It's not like she's doing it on purpose. It's just..." He looked up at Penelope._

_ "What, Derek? It's what?"_

_ "She doesn't measure up to you." Shivers ran up and down Penelope's spine._

_ "And that is causing you to want to give up? Let go?" Penelope tried her damnedest to keep composure, but she was cracking. "Derek, if anyone doesn't measure up to someone, it's me not measuring up to her." Penelope let out a low chuckle, similar to Derek's, and looked at him, "She's pretty much freaking perfect for you. Tall, dark, and beautiful."_

_ "Oh, baby. You're so wrong. So wrong." _

Damn this man, _Penelope thought as she locked eyes with him again. She knew it was coming, she could feel it. From the tips of her toes the hairs on top of her head. Every fiber in her being was humming in anticipation. _

_ When it happened the anticipation boiled over and she was on fire. He locked his hands into her hair, holding her with the gentlest of care, yet keeping her in place. Her hands roamed over his shoulders and down his back. She couldn't help it, her hands had a mind of their own. They touched his whole upper body, searching for new territory to claim. Though, she wasn't the only one. Derek's hands moved to life once hers did._

_ She moaned into his mouth when he asked to deepen it. The feeling of his tongue probing her lips, begging for entrance into her mouth sent a new kind of shock waves through her body. It still raced through her whole body, but it hit harder between her thighs. Her legs tightened against each other as she kneeled up onto the couch. _

_ Derek wrenched his mouth from hers, only to cascade down her creamy neck. _

_ "Tamara has nothing on you. Sweet baby Jesus. How could you even think that." Derek breathed onto her neck. He trailed his hands up from her waist to rest right below her breasts. "She doesn't have your beautiful skin, your ruby lips. Damn, your those perfectly shaped, perfectly glossed lips drives me crazy!" Penelope chuckled and squeezed his neck before he continued again. "She has absolutely no curves. Nothing is luscious or womanly about her. She doesn't have your sense of humor. Your intelligence. Your eyes. Your hair. Your lips." He pulled back and grinned. "I kinda got a thing for your lips." He gave her a quick, hot kiss before he pulled back and said, "In case you couldn't tell."_

_ Pulling back further her looked at her and said, "Penelope, she's not you. And I can't be with anyone other than you. You've ruined me for other women, and I'm damn happy you did. You're perfect, baby. I don't care what other people say, what they whisper about you, about me, about us. I only care about you. And if I'm unable to earn your heart- I don't think I'll be able to continue this pretending that all I want is friendship. Because, Baby Girl, I want so much more than friendship from you. I want everything. It all. I want the endless nights of talking, the all day movie watching, the dinner creations gone wrong, the midnight ice cream trips." He pulled her hands from behind his back and brought her knuckles to his lips. He gave them a soft kiss and said, "I want to be able to kiss you on the lips every time and anytime I want. And I want you to be able to do the same." Again, he brought her hand up and kissed it. He blinked hard once, pushing back the emotional tears and said in a raspy voice, "Can I have that, baby? Will you allow me your heart?"_

_ Her lips quivered, "Oh, Derek. You can have all that and so much more."_

Waiting a few seconds, Penelope stood motionless in front of the door. After what felt like a minute, she began to feel silly.

_Why am I here? No one I know is going to-_ Her thoughts stopped short when a young African-American boy answered the door. He could not have been more than four or five, but Penelope did not make the connection. All she could see was his deep brown eyes and his quick grin. Her breathing shallowed as she stumbled down the steps and towards her car. Her glance shot back to the door just as an older gentleman was pushing the young boy aside and looking down the walkway. He noticed Penelope and gave her a confused smile.

"Hello. Can I help you?" He gently pushed the boy inside the apartment and stepped out onto the first step.

Penelope took a deep breath and disconnected eye contact, "I was looking for someone. He used to live here, two and half years ago. Or," She made eye contact again, "Does he still live here?" Penelope looked at him with her eyes pleading him to deny her suspicions.

The old man rubbed his balding head and shook his head, "I don't know who stayed here before me, dear. Myself and my grandson moved in a few months ago." Penelope noticeably breathed a sigh of relief, "I'm not sure who lived here before us, because I only met with the landlord, Harold. He's a real nice man, if you're looking for a place to stay," Penelope interrupted him.

"Oh no." She smiled, "I was just looking... checking up on an old friend." Her mind began to flood with images and memories of _him_. "Thank you though." She smiled one last time, then climbed into her car, and started to engine. With one last wave, she smiled and began driving down the road. She did not know what she was doing, or where she was going. But she knew where she _needed_ to go and who she _needed _to see. The man who stole her heart. The man who broke her heart. The only man who would ever be able to heal her.

_Derek Morgan._

**A/N: I KNOW! I've been M.I.A. I have tried writing this ending so many times, but I couldn't. So I've written a filler, mostly a flashback. I hope you enjoy it. Lemme know if it seems rushed. I got that vibe, but decided to put it out and let you guys tell me. Haha. Anyways, I'm on summer now, so I'll be updating within the week! Btw, I was listening to Lifehouse's song "Hanging By A Moment". It sorta, kinda goes with this, but mostly the line that says, "I'm hanging by a moment here with you." And I picture that applying to Penelope when she recounts the moment that changed her and Derek's relationship.**


	4. Sparks Fly

Derek walked into the BAU with a slight migraine and blurry vision. He had spent most of the night in front of his television watching reruns on _her_ favorite shows, with a six pack nestled at his side. Mr. Corona had become his closest friend since _she_ left. Walking towards the bull pen, Derek barely missed Spencer Reid as he came barreling out of the bathroom.

"Hey!" Reid called out to Derek, causing him to stop. Derek closed his eyes and exhaled. The last thing he needed was a therapy session with _Dr. Spencer Reid_.

"Yeah, kid?" Derek kept his back to Reid, hoping Reid would pick up on his unwillingness to have a conversation. His plan failed.

Reid walked towards Derek and stopped in front of him, "How are you? I haven't had a real conversation with you since the last case."

_There's a reason for that boy genius, _Derek thought. It was not that Derek had grown an irritation for Reid; Derek did not want to lash out against Reid when it was not Reid's fault. Derek's temper had a mind of its own sometimes, causing Derek to get in several confrontations with Aaron.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I've just been busy trying to plan for my visit to Chicago." That wasn't entirely a lie, but it wasn't entirely true either. Derek had been looking at flights and dates to fly out and see his family, but his planning only lasted one beer.

Reid nodded his head slowly and said, "Oh, that's good. You haven't seen your mom or sisters in a while." Reid closed his mouth and looked at Derek, hoping he'd divulge more information about his life, or lack there of.

"Yep, they'll be excited to see me." Derek and Reid stood there looking at each other for a few seconds before Derek excused himself.

As he was walking away he could feel Reid's eyes probing him, begging him to be honest about how he was feeling. In all honesty, Derek knew he _should _let Reid in on his inner turmoil, but then Derek would have to admit that he had a problem. That after two years, five months, and three days Derek still had not healed from _her_ leaving. Feeling his migraine increasing, he sped up his walk towards his office. As he neared his office, he noticed that the door was open and the light was on. Involuntarily, his heart sped up and his pace quickened. Subconsciously, he knew it was not _her_, but that did not deteriorate his hope.

"Morgan!" JJ came running out of Derek's office and collided with him. Before he could ask what she was doing, her arms wrapped around him and he felt her shake. Her shoulders were shaking, her legs were trembling, and her eyes were flooding.

Over and over again she whispered, "She's back. She's back. I told you she'd be back." Derek stood there, with his arms limp at his sides, lips moving on their own. Nothing verbal was coming out of his mouth, but his mind was racing.

_She's back! She's really back!_

Able to finally verbalize his thoughts, he detached himself from her and grasped her still shaking shoulders, "Where is she? JJ, where is she?" Her eyes were still pouring happy tears, which was taking a toll on Derek. He just wanted to know where the hell she was!

"JJ! Where is-"

"My office. She's- Penelope is in my office."

Derek let go of JJ completely and felt his face pale. She was so close, yet so far. He dreamed about this; the moment where they meet again.

Face to face.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he asked JJ who else knew _she_ was there.

"No one. I haven't told anyone. I wanted to make sure you were the first to know..." She looked like she had more to say, but was hesitant.

"What? Is something wrong?" Derek made a move towards JJ's office, but she pressed against his chest.

"No. Nothing is wrong. I just..." Her eyes drifted back towards her office, "I just didn't tell her you were here." She looked back at Derek, tears filling their place. "I didn't know if she would run if you were here. I was scared that _she_ would be scared. I didn't want to lose her again." Her cheeks hollowed as she waited for Derek's reaction, but he didn't have one.

He understood her dilemma. He would have done the same thing, so he had no right to become angry.

"I get it." He said quietly. He bit the corner of his lip and asked, "May I go see her? ... Please?"

JJ chuckled softly, "Derek, she's yours. I'll go keep the troops down in the bull pen."

"Thank you, JJ." She smiled and walked away, leaving Derek in the middle of the not deserted hallway. Less than 100 feet away was his love, his Baby Girl, his God-given Solace.

His Penelope Marie Garica.

His steps wobbled and trembled as he got closer and closer. It seemed like someone filled his shoes with lead, and he had to use all his energy to move.

_Is this an omen? Am I not supposed to see her?_ Derek trudged on and as he got nearer he heard it. The sweetest sound he had ever heard his entire life. The sound that woke him up those wonderful years and the sound that put him to sleep most nights. His Baby Girl was singing their song; All My Life by .

He felt like someone lifted the pressure off of him and he began to run to the office, to the sound, to her. When he reached the door he stood there for a few minutes. He had never been so nervous in his life, this felt like life or death; the beginning or the ending. A memory flashed in front of his vision.

_"Don't EVER do that again, Derek!" Penelope was standing in his office shouting at him. He and the team had just gotten back from a case; a case in which Derek put his own life on the line. _

_ "Garcia, I _had_ to do it! The little girl was going to die! I had to do _something!"

_ "Something! You had to do something? You could have called Hotch or Rossi. Hell, you could have called Reid! You could have called for back-up!" The emotional tears sprinkled down her cheeks and onto her new Technicolor blouse. "You can't _always_ be the hero! You need to think of your own safety sometimes!" Her lips quivered and her arms flapped. She didn't know how to express the emotional turmoil she went through as Derek played "hero". "Think of me if you have to! If you insist on being a hero, think of how _I_ would feel if something had happened to you! I can't lose you, Derek!" A sob slipped from between her lips, "I can't lose you. Not ever."_

_ "Oh baby," Derek strode over to her and gently held her cheeks. He stroked away the tears and kissed her lips sweetly. "You'll never lose me. Not ever. Even if the worst happened, you'd never lose me."_

_ Biting the side of her bottom lip, she looked up at him. Her lips quivered out, "Promise?"_

_ "Baby Girl, you're my one and only. I promise more than forever."_

He whooshed the door open and, with a breathless voice, asked, "Baby Girl?"

The red headed beauty who had been haunting his dreams for the best two years swirled around in a work chair. Her lips were painted a bright red, eye shadow a forest green, and she had on a deep purple dress. She stood up and stared. They both looked at each other like they were seeing meeting for the first time.

"Oh, Derek!" Penelope flew across the room and slammed into Derek. Their bodies fit against each other in the most beautiful way. His hands snaked their way into her hair and tugged back. She looked up at him and tears were flowing uncontrollably down her cheeks. For the first time in what felt like forever, Derek felt his heart swell. He felt himself able to take a breath without feeling light headed, he was able to stand without worrying about his footing.

He was able to love without feeling hurt.

"I've miss you. I've miss you so damn much, Baby Girl. More than you'll ever know." His whisper floated across her face and into her ears.

"Oh baby," she whispered back, "I think I have an idea."

Derek mouth met Penelope's in an earth shattering kiss; it was not hot or erotic, but endearing and heart melting.

Explanations were given, and more tears were shed, but Derek and Penelope had found their way back to each other.

That's all that mattered.

**_A/N- I am SO sorry! I've been m.i.a. for too long, and no reason (excuse) is worth giving. So, I hope you enjoyed this FINAL chapter! I may put an epilogue, but I've been thinking about starting a new story for these two. Lemme know what you think/want! _**

**_THANK YOU! _**


End file.
